The Reality of Living In a Fairy Tale

Introduction

Growing up as a little girl in a very big world often caused the tendency to be imaginative.  I would lay in bed for hours thinking before acknowledging the fact I was tired. What was I so curious about, you may ask. Well, do you recall when you were a child and the person who’d tuck you into bed read you a bedtime story? Something along the lines of a prince fighting a dragon on the way to sweep his darling princess off her feet, right? This all led me to question where MY prince was and what he would look like. OH! And let’s not forget he would travel on a beautiful white horse. Soon enough I’d realize that what I have believed for most of my life wouldn't be so “magical” after all…

As I Entered Into My Wild Teenage Years;

Years flew by as if time was a bomb about to explode into adulthood yet in my own eyes, it couldn't go by any slower. I was ready to finally spread my wings and fly.  Falling into mishap again and again without realizing is more accurate now looking back.

I was fifteen when I heard there was a weekend fall retreat taking place that my local church was putting on. With pent-up excitement, I went online and signed up. I remember packing pretty much my entire room except my bed (which in my opinion, is most important). One must understand before going further into this adventurous experience, that my middle school self was quite shy with a hint of nerd in her. She never talked to peers of her own age unless they came to her, so as a result, she didn’t have anyone to sit with on the huge yellow bus. That weekend was most definitely a time to grow in social skills, as there were plenty of opportunities for talking. 

I began taking chances and being brave; in short, I made a couple of friends. Because this was primarily a church event, there were many special speakers and a few youth directors encouraged to help us take hold of the faith and grow in the wonderful work of the Lord. By encouraging this, they set thirty minutes aside in the early morning to have a moment with God. The hardest part for me with this was praying [ talking to God ]. It was scary because I knew HE knew everything about me,..the good and the bad yet He loved me enough to die. I found it to be a mystery then, and to this day it remains as a beautiful mystery of the cross. 

I made up my mind that I was going to intentionally spend time with God and with that, I needed a place where I could be alone.                                                                                                                                             
The retreat was held at a Christian camp with a pretty view of a lake. The old wooden dock leading into the lake was the perfect spot to lay my Bible out and give my thoughts to God. 

The very last morning at the retreat all of the kids were handed a few pieces of paper, a reflection sheet that gives detail on what the speakers spoke on and so forth, and a guideline sheet to help further the conversation with Christ as the group headed home. 

I walked to the edge of the dock with seriousness in me, knowing the heaviness of it all. As I sat down and looked around, I noticed a plane flying right above my head! 

My mind wandered. I stopped as I heard the ruffling of what seemed to be our take-home sheets being crumpled by a handsome young football player sitting feet away from me. I was completely shocked by his arrogance. He had dazzling brown hair, sparkling brown eyes, and a disregard for spiritual matters. He glanced in my direction and stood up and with loudness, He walked away. ‘What a jerk!’, I said out loud as I then grabbed the torn piece of paper to fix it. The paper was that guideline to further our journey with God, why did he leave it? I was so tuned in to this situation that I felt the boldness to confront him and hand him back what he seemed to be missing. I, indeed, do just that. 

He had a way about him, like quicksand. From the look of him, he seemed to have a steadiness about him but came to realize he isn't as stable as one might think. This persona had everyone except for me fooled. I was determined to figure him out…

After that dreadful encounter, the kids pack and clean before heading home. My thoughts were soaring of all the things this could lead to. I tried to stop thinking about him, but he captivated my middle school self. 

The very first words to my parents after I put my bags in my room were “guess what happened!!’ From that moment on, He was the center of my world. 

 

My Quest to Find All the Answers;

Who was this boy? Why did he act the way he did? Could I be wrong about him? What if he's actually a wonderful person? Ugh, so many questions but no one to answer them…besides him. Ahh yes, I did it. I found his social media. “I am bound to find out now”, I thought. 

Oh, how I would give anything to go back and stop myself from entering into this sticky situation. Well, you know how it goes...He added me back and messaged me.

You could say I was a sheep sent off to the slaughter at this point. I knew that what I was doing was just going to get myself into trouble. But I didn't care, because what if he was my Prince? And what if we were meant to be together? More questions to add to the massive heartache that comes later into the story I suppose. 

A close friend at the time invited me to attend a small group that happened on Thursday evenings at the same local church. What a joy it was when I saw a familiar face walking towards me. It was him! The dashing athlete was now a friend or in other words, [ hope to be a boyfriend ]. For a short time, I thought he was all that and a chocolate sundae with a cherry on top. My bubble had popped when I realized he was wrapped in many disguises to pretend He was something that he was simply not. That was to keep quiet though because I have yet to believe it.

 One evening after a small group, we sat together talking about life, when the words “I think, I think I love you’’ came right out of his mouth! I had conflicting feelings so I chose not to say it back. We were close however, He wanted to be closer. It was all too much, so I ignored it. 

 One week later, He went to prom with a girl who wasn’t me and then announced he had been dating her for a bit. When I saw that was the case I felt empty, alone, sad, and confused. Would I ever move on?..

The Moving on Part;

Back to the little girl that once was eager to figure out her love story. She had taken her first step into a harsh reality and the fairy tale is somehow hard to live in now knowing the dragon could be disguised as the prince. 

I wish I could say that I moved on from an unfortunate heartbreak with no scars to be seen, but that wouldn’t be the truth. The truth is I have many scars from this that I may have for the rest of my days. I learned to be grateful for them. 

This experience left me with many lessons on which I place value today.

Here are a few of those lessons regarding relationships I have clung to over the years: 

~ Distractions come out of nowhere. 

~ People often hide behind masks, simply because they don't want to admit what they are doing is wrong.

~ Those special words “ I love you’’ hold importance and you either know you love someone or you don't.

~You can tell if a person is following Christ by the fruit in their life, and if you seem to find none walk the other way.

~ You can’t fix anyone, but God can.

To grow from mistakes means there are no promises mistakes won’t happen, however, growth creates a path ensuring you won’t make the same mistake twice.