Porch time

-Introduction

Hi there! There has been so much on my heart recently, that I don't know quite where to start. I suppose I will start off by giving gratitude to our heavenly Father. He has been overwhelmingly good not only in my life but in the lives of those around me. Filling our hearts with a greater passion for righteousness and a thirst for His goodness. His goodness is running after us, indeed!

-My Prayer for you…

My encouragement while you read this article is that you would prayerfully consider what's important in your life. I pray that you find peace in the world of darkness. 

-The Major backstory

When I was growing up my grandparents had a sunroom attached to their house. It was special in many ways. My grandma wanted somewhere where she could spend time with friends, family, and God. My grandpa wanted to make her happy so he let her have it. Looking back he probably thought it was a sweet idea, haha! 

So within a few months, they remodeled the porch and with time it turned into a beautiful place with a wide-open view. It always felt so magical being in there. Something about it made you feel at peace. It gave a sense of comfort in your circumstance whether it be good or bad. I can’t tell you all the amount of time I spent with my sweet grandmother in this room. 

My grandma would be side by side with me through bullying, breakups, friendship drama, funny stories, good memories, and bad memories, all of it while being in this room. We would even make some pretty great memories of our own. We have had a wonderful friendship throughout the years, and it’s been such a blessing to have her in my life. 

-My regret

Now if you know me personally, one thing I say often is that “I don’t ever have regrets in life, I only learn from my mistakes”. And while that is true, I still hold onto a few things that God had to heal me from. 

My one regret that I held onto for a long time and learned to grow from every day, is not spending more time with my grandfather. He was a gentle soul, with a laugh that could make your whole week. He had a beautiful heart for the Lord, and always gave me the best advice when I needed it. He was strong-willed but was able to compromise. Oh, how I loved him. On May 17, 2022, he passed away and I will never forget how painful it was, knowing my time with him had felt so short. My heart aches knowing I could have spent more time with him. I chose a lot of things over him and knowing he loved me and cared for me was so special to hear. 

While all this internal frustration was happening, I refused to see him in the hospital. He was there for two months. Every time I thought about it, I knew I couldn’t face him, he meant too much to say goodbye. 

-My healing process 

A man I was dating at the time was a faithful man of God, and he sat with me and told me a story of how he was thankful that he got to say goodbye to his grandmother before she saw Jesus. He encouraged me to go and have that same encounter with my grandfather. 

So after roughing up the courage, I decided to go.

I sat with him for a long time that day. He wanted to hold my hand, so I let him. I remember while he wasn’t able to talk, he was able to mouth the words “I love you”. Oh, how those words broke me in the best and worst way possible. 

I left that day very grateful for the opportunity that I had just taken. A few weeks later he got to dance with Jesus and I was so happy for him. 

The pain is still there and the loss will somehow always be noticeable. But God has strengthened my faith because of it. 

Knowing that time is valuable and life is short is an eye-opener.

-Your choice

I could have easily made more plans with my grandfather, but it was easy to choose friends and other things. Building a relationship with a family member can be difficult, but in the end, it’s worth it, I believe. Please consider spending time with the ones you care for because the moments will go by quickly. Those moments will be the memories you will forever cherish. 

Please choose wisely(: